Q: When my daughter goes out to dinner or the movies with a friend's family, I always give her money ahead of time so she can pay her share. But she says they never accept money from her. I don't want my child to seem like a sponge. How do I help her be more insistent with them? A: Some parental intervention might be a better course. Call her friend's parents and thank them for including your daughter, but tell them you'd like to pay for her tickets and meals. They might accept your offer, because it's coming from an adult. But if they still insist on footing the bill, there's not much you can do other than accept graciously. Just remind your daughter to always thank them. Another way to handle this is reciprocity. Include the friend in some of your family outings, paying her way.

A Minor Mooch?: When others pay for your child

July 19, 2019 1 Comments

Q: When my daughter goes out to dinner or the movies with a friend's family, I always give her money ahead of time so she can pay her share.  But she says they never accept money from her.  I don't want my child to seem like a sponge.  How do I help her be more insistent with them?  A: Some parental intervention might be a better course.  Call her friend's parents and thank them for including your daughter, but tell them you'd like to pay for her tickets and meals.  They might accept your offer, because it's coming from an adult.  But if they still insist on footing the bill, there's not much you can do other than accept graciously.  Just remind your daughter to always thank them.  Another way to handle this is reciprocity.  Include the friend in some of your family outings, paying her way.

 

Q: When my daughter goes out to dinner or the movies with a friend’s family, I always give her money ahead of time so she can pay her share.  But she says they never accept money from her.  I don’t want my child to seem like a sponge.  How do I help her be more insistent with them?

A: Some parental intervention might be a better course.  Call her friend’s parents and thank them for including your daughter, but tell them you’d like to pay for her tickets and meals.  They might accept your offer, because it’s coming from an adult.  But if they still insist on footing the bill, there’s not much you can do other than accept graciously.  Just remind your daughter to always thank them.  Another way to handle this is reciprocity.  Include the friend in some of your family outings, paying her way.

July 22, 2019

1 Comment

  1. Reply

    Diana

    August 29, 2019

    A long time friend (25+yrs) she is considered my daughter’s ” 2nd Mom and her Hubby has played a big role in my daughter’s life also, always invites us to spend time with them in their Summer home. When the home was purchased, I went with them to deep clean the home and help furnish it. I was given a key to the home. When my hubby and I go, we not only pay our way, rent our own car, but also buy groceries and treat them out to meals. We don’t go every year. This year we were asked to ” book our time early on” so we wouldn’t conflict with anyone else. I booked tickets 3 months out. 1 month before we were to go, she called me and told me that her sister was having ” such a hard time” caring for a friends father and she really wanted to come out and spend time, but it happened to be the same time we were going, and on and on how she could “just cry” thinking about her sister. I happen to know her sister very well and the three of us have been on many girls vacations. Ther is also plenty of guest rooms where we could all have been there at the same time. Well, what could I do but cancel our flights, car, extra nights we were spending at historical site close by? My husband said it made no sense to fly across country to spend a night at an Inn we had been to before. We go out there to spentime with them. There was no suggestion that we take a room off the main floor, or change our dates, nothing.
    I feel very sad and disposable. I was so rushed to book. Invited, the disinvited.
    Am I wrong to feel so hurt? I think it was really rude. Especially since we’ve all known each other for so long. I feel very differently about our (deep friendship). Since this happened.

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